Sorry vomits

I just tried visioning my life 10 years from now. And holy shit, I cant vision anything!!!!!!!!! What the heck am i doing with my life?

p.s: ok, i lied.
Unfortunately, in 10 years... I see myself doing things in the same skin I'm in now. My selfish and hurtful ways towards others cant seem to find itself out of me. Does that make me callous? Note to others who can see right through me.. I in fact am aware of the harm I cause sometimes. I'm aware that half the things that go wrong in numerous amount of relationships I'm in is caused by me. But what's slightly sickening(to me) is the fact that I continue to fight along regardless of the fact that I was the one who created the major error. I don't exactly know why I choose to continue arguments for the satisfaction of winning when I surely know that I don't deserve that triumph. But more than half the time, I always win in the end. I know myself this much to admit and thoroughly go through my major flaws. When I screw up, I'm not blind to it. I don't exactly know what I could do to rectify the trouble I've caused certain people. But for some strange reason, "I'm sorry" just doesn't seem to cut it, does it? Lol. Actually, the fact of the matter is... I HATE saying sorry. It's not that I absolutely can't say it, it just makes me wanna vomit sometimes. :)